Many years ago, right after I had that Kundalini Awakening, I had the experience of what an aspect of healthy masculine energy can feel like.
Many mornings at the gym, I would see this guy, who I thought was gorgeous. However, I was at a place in my life that I didn’t want to let any more men into my life, even as friends, and definitely not a relationship.
I was working on self-love and working to clear out old limiting beliefs I had held about myself, men, and my relationships to them. Because of these beliefs, I had attracted to myself men who acted out exactly what I thought I deserved. Now, I know I deserve much, much more.
When I was younger, I used to have regular male friendships in my life and was much more open to letting them in. From the beginning, I would make it very clear that we were only friends and that wouldn’t change.
Every single time, within about six months, each of them would come forward to say they wanted to take the friendship deeper. Each time, I would get upset about it because I had made myself clear from the beginning that I didn’t want that with them. I felt like I wasn’t being heard.
Finally, I decided not to allow male friendships into my life unless they passed a rigorous test. If a guy did try to come in, I’d put them through the ringer, letting them know, they either had better respect my boundaries, or I’d end the friendship. I don’t let most of them in anymore.
I had experienced throughout my years of meeting men and dating that those that I did date, and the even fewer that I actually got involved with, were never really direct about what they wanted with me when we first started the relationship, or even once we were involved.
If a relationship developed, it seemed we somehow fell into it. We would date for a while, and, then, without much communication, we found ourselves in a relationship. I wouldn’t say it was very conscious for either of us.
So, I met this guy, and we started out just talking. It was obvious to both of us that we were attracted to each other. I was still adamant about not letting a guy into my life.
One day, about six months after we started this little, flirty friendship, he came to me and quietly told me exactly how he felt about me and what he wanted. Then, he simply stepped back and let me choose. He was still friendly, but he didn’t push it.
OMG, I had never had a guy be so direct with me. He was direct, but he let me choose. It felt honoring. Most of what I had experienced with men had felt manipulative, and that had been all I knew up until this experience. This guy was present and confident enough in himself as a man, he could do that.
Needless to say, the whole thing really spun my head around. If that didn’t happen, I wouldn’t have gotten involved with him, and of course the fact there was already an attraction.
I prayed about it for two weeks before I gave him an answer. The answer to my prayer came that as long as I stayed focused on my own healing, I’d get more out of our experience than I could ever imagine. I did too. The powerful thing is that now that I’ve had that experience, I don’t want anything less.
I plan to write more of these insights about male/female energy/relationships. I hope the information is helpful to both men and women.
As always I encourage you to remember and live your passion.
Maren Nelson
