As a child, my mother told me repeatedly how sick I was as an infant, and how I almost died at three months old. She said she came into my room to check on me, and my arms and legs were frozen, paralyzed in the air, and I wasn’t breathing. I gradually came out of it, but I screamed all the time after that and couldn’t hold any food down.
At six months old, it happened again. After the second time, my immune system dropped, and I got really sick. I was given drugs constantly to shut me up. Mom left me screaming for hours on my own, and if anyone asked what was wrong with me, she would answer, “Oh, she does that all the time. We just let her cry herself to sleep.”
The doctor did a spinal tap on me, but Mom said he never could find what was wrong.
I was a year old, when I came out of it on my own.
Then, the incest started with two of my brothers before I was five.
At six, my right leg became paralyzed, and I was taken to Primary Children’s Hospital. I was tested for polio and arthritis, but once again, I was told by my mother that they never found anything. I was in a wheelchair for nine months, and my leg recovered on its own. There was no therapy done.
At seven, a brother-in-law started molesting me and another sister. When we went to our mother to tell her, she told us, “Don’t tell anyone. I’ll talk to your dad.” We went to her several times over the years, and we were told the same thing. I never heard a word from my dad about any of it.
On my 15th birthday, I slapped my brother-in-law and told him never to touch me again, and it finally stopped.
I was taught that any power I might have, I had to give to men. I was just a stupid girl, who had to have a man to take care of her. I couldn’t be happy without a man.
I believed men could get away with whatever they wanted, and no one would do anything to stop it. I believed I had to take whatever happened to me, and I couldn’t stop it either. I believed what my mother told me that I was broken and couldn’t be fixed. It was my problem.
If ever I felt violated by anyone, which was pretty much a daily occurrence in my family, and if I said anything to anyone, somehow it always became my fault, and I was blamed.
The beliefs that I developed out of these experiences were irrational. Children are not capable of understanding things the way adults do. However, they do make decisions and are usually taught to suppress them, and so was I.
All those irrational beliefs and suppressed emotions soon caught up with me as I began to attract the very same kind of experiences and dysfunctional people I grew up with.
After two abusive marriages, I felt like I was dying inside. It was clear something inside me needed to shift. I was at a point now that I was willing to do anything to make my life better. I felt like my life depended on it – and now, I know it did.
My journey of self-improvement and personal growth the year I turned 25.
In the early programs I joined, I felt myself open a little more each time, and I began to experience what it felt like to connect with my personal power. Then a friend told me about Breathwork. When he described the process to me and how it affected him, I knew I had to do this.
Three days later, I was in my first breath session. Massive grief and rage surfaced, but my therapist guided me through and encouraged me to release as much of that pent-up emotional energy as possible.
Like so many people, I grew up in a household where I had been taught from day one to suppress many of my emotions. I was out of touch with my feelings, especially anger.
Halfway through that first session, I knew this was what I wanted for my career. I had already wholeheartedly committed to my growth and my deep desire to share what I was learning with other people, and now I knew how.
Little did I know, this work would become a way of life for me and change it forever.
I gravitated toward Breathwork because I felt like it rapidly accelerated my healing. The breath took me down into my body and helped me clear toxins caused from drugs and medications I had taken throughout my life. It helped me access the unconscious part of my mind, and the beliefs and emotions I needed to clear, pulling them out by the roots.
I wanted that stuff out of there!
Soon after I was trained as a practitioner, I released flashbacks of abuse in infancy during two different Breathwork sessions. The first was with my father when he broke my hip, and the second was with my mother when she shook me to stop me from screaming, and my neck snapped. I also remembered the near-death-experiences I had both times.
I consciously remembered all the abuse from about two years old on up. That was by far easier to heal than what happened in infancy.
I started studying A Course In Miracles in the Spring of 1988. I resisted it at first, but as I kept reading, I began to experience more joy than I had ever known as a child, and I couldn’t stop reading. The Course gave me a new, more loving perspective about the world and who I really am, and I learned what forgiveness really means.
Mind you, this wasn’t a quick process. Correcting my mind and sharing what I’ve learned has been the focus of my life since I started into my healing. I know it would not have been the same, if I hadn’t committed to it. I’ve been able to shift many of my fear-based perceptions and beliefs about myself and the world to more loving and supportive ones.
I’ve been learning how to relate to myself and other people in more healthy ways. Now, I can communicate what I’m feeling and what I want, and I have a lot better boundaries with myself and others. I have learned to trust myself and what I’m feeling MORE than what other people say. I can take care of myself, and most importantly, I’ve learned how to love myself.
And, now, I get to share with you…
I found my life purpose early on, thank God. I have had the joy and privilege of sharing what I’ve learned with others who want to live, not in a fearful and threatening world, but in a world that is loving, generous, and kind.
Uncovering negative, unconscious beliefs that began as misperceptions and releasing or shifting them, has brought me a deeper connection to life and love. I also enjoy better relationships, both personally and professionally.
Breathwork saved my sanity and my life many times over throughout the years. I am honored to share with you what I know in hopes that you will also find your way back to Love.
If you choose to work with me, you will learn how A Course In Miracles influences every service I offer, including my book, my blog, the Breathwork Sessions, my Coaching Program, and my Breathwork Training.
You can find out more about working with me one-on-one by clicking here.
Claim your free Special Report – “The 5 Stages of Healing”, by clicking here.
If you want to learn how to understand and work with your emotions, click here.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope to hear from you about your journey to Emotional Mastery. It would be an honor to share that journey with you.
With Love and Appreciation,
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