One morning as I got ready to go out to do some marketing for my business, I noticed I was feeling anxious for some reason. Just as I reached for the doorknob to leave, I very clearly felt the presence of my Guides move in closely around me, and I heard, “Sit down and just be with this.” I trusted what I heard, and I did as I was instructed.
Almost instantly, I felt heat spread through my pelvic area. Then, it seemed to gather itself into a ball of energy about the size of an orange just below my naval, and I felt intense sexual energy. The ball of energy began to wind its way up inside me just like a snake.
At the time, I didn’t understand what was going on, but knew it was something important. I grabbed my journal and scribbled out what I was experiencing.
The energy moved up to my solar plexus. There it stopped, and I felt a deep rage built inside me. At first I didn’t know what it was about so I asked my Guides out loud, “What is this?” I knew immediately it was rage toward men for the sexual, physical and emotional abuse I had experienced while growing up and had continued to attract later in life. I saw clearly the limiting belief I had carried that men can get away with whatever they want and no one will do anything to stop it.
I wanted to release this rage and this false belief and not carry it anymore. Immediately, I remembered: if we’re experiencing any kind of negative emotion, it’s always based on some kind of misperception. So, I said to my Guides, “Help me to see this differently!” Suddenly in my mind, it was like I was looking down a timeline going all the way back from where we switched from the matriarchal order to the patriarchal order.
I could see the negative beliefs and guilt that has been passed down from generation to generation to men. I realized how many men believed that they had to act machismo or even be abusive to be a man. And many women took on the belief they had to be subservient to men or abused. I saw how both men and women continue to reinforce this negativity that keep us all locked into insane behaviors and beliefs that profoundly limit both sexes.
I felt the ball of energy move again, and it wound its way up into my heart center. There it stopped again. This time I felt a deep grief well up inside me, and I began to sob…gut wrenching sobs. I asked again, “What is this?” and I knew it was grief for men. Again I cried out, “Help me to see this differently!”
I felt my heart open with a profound love and compassion for men, and the energy moved up into my throat. An overwhelming desire to tell other people about this experience and what I had just learned welled up inside me. I wanted more than anything to be a part of helping to heal the split that exists between men and women.
I felt the energy spread out so that it was no longer a ball and it moved up to my 3rd eye and crown. Suddenly I realized that everything I had gone through in my life had led me to this moment. I realized that the abuse I had gone through as a child and continued to attract later and all the healing I have consciously and intentionally pushed for all these years for myself had given me a deep knowledge and understanding of this split and how I can help to heal it. I have a voice and can make a difference!
The phone rang just then. I wouldn’t have answered except that my friend, Joe, was always so busy that I didn’t want to pass up the call. Also there was a part of me that enjoyed sharing stories of my experiences with him because I knew he didn’t know whether to believe me or not or this “nutty, fruity stuff” as he called it.
As we were talking, it was as though a star burst inside me around my naval and shot out through my body and extremities. I was tingling all over. The entire experience lasted only a few minutes. Joe was speechless as he heard me describe what was happening.
Within a couple of hours I realized I had gone through a Kundalini Awakening. It took me a couple of weeks to fully integrate the energy and experience.
Over the next few weeks, I felt like I was adjusting to the new frequencies. Waves of blissful energy kept surging through me, especially in my heart chakra. I gave myself a lot of quiet and meditation time to integrate it all.
I know that 15 years of doing Breathwork helped to activate the Kundalini energy for me, and 17 years of doing different forms of emotional release work including Breathwork gave me the tools and information to easily assist the energy on it’s upward journey through my body.
Although this experience happened to me in Jan of 2001 and I’ve shared it with some of my friends, this is the first time I’ve shared it with the public. It was such an intensely personal experience.
Since sharing my love with others is my passion and my purpose, I feel it’s time to share this experience with you.
I invite you all to remember your passion.
Blessings, Maren Nelson
