Over the years, I’ve found it interesting that many people don’t know what the term “boundaries” means. If they don’t know what boundaries means, how can they know what healthy vs. unhealthy boundaries are?
I dated a fellow many years ago with whom I often felt overstepped my boundaries in the relationship. I felt he was trying to control me much of the time. I would talk to him about it, but every time I did, his eyes would glaze over. I could see he didn’t know what I was talking about.
Several years after we broke up, I ran into him. During our conversation, he admitted to me he never knew what I was talking about when we were together when I talked about boundaries. He actually thought I wanted to draw a line down the middle of the room with him on one side and me on the other. He had learned differently since then. We both had a good laugh over of that.
Most of us were taught boundaries (or not) within our families while we were growing up. If we were not respected as individuals with rights of our own as children, we may have come to believe this is just the way things are. We learn not to respect ourselves and other people. We may not even be aware this behavior doesn’t allow for healthy relationships.
To create healthy boundaries you need:
- Respect for yourself and others.
- Don’t assume, project your will, or try to control others.
- Good communication skills.
- Set up ground rules that you and the people within your relationships agree to.
- Complete your agreements with yourself and others.
- If the agreements you have made with yourself and others don’t work for you for whatever reason, be honest about what it is you need and come up with a new agreement that works that everyone agrees to.
I can’t begin to share with you the importance of creating healthy boundaries in your life. You will gain a deeper sense of trust, personal integrity, and self worth as all of your relationships, both business and personal, improve.
In my upcoming book, I devote an entire chapter to boundaries. I hope you enjoy all of my posts as they are a taste of what’s to come soon. If anyone wants to share my information, please make sure to give me credit.Thanks.
Let me know what you think in the comments section of each particular post. And oh yes, don’t forget to remember your passion.
Best, Maren Nelson
Minister of Mind/Body Healing
Life Breath Integrations