Author Archive | Maren Nelson

Would You Rather Be Right Or Happy?

http://www.dreamstime.com/royalty-free-stock-image-couple-arguing-family-relationship-problems-concept-image38561616I became acquainted with this question in 1988 the first time I read A Course In Miracles and have heard it many times since…”Would you rather be right or happy?” Honestly, most people would rather be right.

The ego will quite literally fight to the death to be right. Many people sacrifice their happiness in order to be right. We see this played out within personal relationships, families, business relations, countries and religions through conflict and war.

Many years ago, I had a client with whom I did my Breathwork sessions and he would do computer work for me in exchange. He would tell me how loving and caring he was with his girlfriend and always tried to support her in what she wanted in her life.

However, there were several times while I was in their home I could hear them arguing. It sounded nit-picking and hurtful to me. One of them would say something nasty and the other one would come back with an even worse retort. Round and round they would go, each of them convinced they were right and both of them obviously unhappy. It was a struggle for control and power over the other.

The relationship eventually ended, and I watched as I saw this fellow get into relationship after relationship, each one ending exactly the same way. I tried to talk to him about the pattern he had running, but he didn’t want to look at and admit his part in it. He truly believed he was the victim in each case and that he was right. Eventually, he stopped working with me, and I was never sure if he was able to heal this aspect of his ego.

At those times you feel that urge to dig in your heals over something and the anger begin to rise because you think you need to be right, take a moment to ask yourself this question. By doing so, you could turn any conflict around any save yourself years of unhappiness by being a teacher for peace.

Live your passion!

Maren Nelson

Riding the Emotional Wave

Ride-the-Emotional-WaveThis is the first blog post I put up on my site. It’s also the beginning of my book “Ride the Emotional Wave.” I feel guided to share it with you here. Enjoy!

When I think of emotions, I think of their similarity with water: there are ebbs and flows…sometimes calm and quiet, sometimes wild and out of control. Some people are flooded with emotions while others have learned to live with a drought.

When I think of emotional mastery, I think of a surfer who goes out for the first time to learn to “ride the wave”. He rests on the water, waiting for that perfect swell. Then, he paddles out wildly to try to meet it. He gets on top of her board and tries to control it…the water rises…he feels a momentary rush of energy run through his body…and CRASH!!!…he plummets into the depths. Hurt, but still hopeful, he tries again. As he struggles to his feet, he feels his board wobble on this next wave. He tries to control it again…and…down he goes!

If he keeps at it, he gradually gets the hang of things. Now, when he goes out on the water to surf, he looks ahead and sees that perfect wave. With strength, purpose and direction, he swims toward his goal. His legs have developed so that as he steps onto the board, he can better maneuver it as he feels the water rise under him. He no longer tries to control his experience but knows how to ride it through. He works with it. He feels exhilarated as he realizes he and the water are one. He has learned to master the wave!

Learning to work with your emotions is just like this. When you first start out, you’re bound to get knocked around a bit. As the floodgates open, the gush of suppressed emotions from a lifetime may feel overwhelming. However, as you keep going, it gets easier.

As you become more and more clear, you trust your emotional guidance system. Your eyes and your heart are open, and you make better choices. The old drama gradually disappears as you remember you can choose peace instead of conflict. You are aware of the daily miracles being sent your way often in places you never expected. Your emotions add the color and flavor to life and, now, you relish them. I encourage you on your journey.

Live your passion!

Maren Nelson

A Gift of Love

PresentThis is a piece out of my book, Ride the Emotional Wave, that I want to share with you. I had this very thing happen with a client this past month. It isn’t easy when this happens, but when it does, this information has helped me immensely.

Something I’ve had the opportunity to learn through my work with clients in Connected Breathing and in my life is that a gift of love is never lost. This lesson hasn’t always been an easy one to fully understand.

The Breathwork I do can take people to a very deep emotional level. Most people have been taught to suppress emotions and when they begin to surface during sessions (or in their lives), some people get really scared. Many people will use anger to cover their fear.

Some of those people are so afraid, they are not willing to take responsibility for their fear, and they lash out. They will either make me or the process wrong and leave. I’ve had to learn not to take this personally no matter how adamant they are about it.

When I first started working with clients and this happened, this was difficult and disappointing for me. My intent was to create a space for healing to occur. In my heart, I was offering my love.

Over time I realized that when a person cannot receive my love because of their fear, the gift is never lost. God and our guides and Teachers will hold my offering until the person is ready to receive it whether it is ten minutes from now, ten years or ten lifetimes. I may never see the client or person I’ve been dealing with again, but somehow, somewhere my gift of love will be accepted.

Allow yourself to remember your passion during this Holiday Season.

Joy, Maren Nelson

The Special Relationship vs. The Holy Relationship

CoupleWith Valentine’s Day around the corner, I though it would be a good time to share with you an excerpt on relationship from my book, “Ride the Emotional Wave.” (For clarification: early in the book, I talk about how the ego is based on the insane belief that we are separate from each other and from Gad and All That Is. This is absolutely impossible because we wouldn’t exist if this were true.)

“The Special Relationship:

You meet someone and things seem to click. Although you have been hurt before, he or she is everything you always dreamed your partner would be. You have so much in common, and they really understand you. You feel like you have known each other forever. They can do no wrong. This is the relationship that is going to save you, and you go for it.

The first six months of the relationship seems so perfect. You show each other the best of what you both are. You look into each others eyes, and it’s like seeing yourself, all the love that you are. You have found your other half.

The relationship acts as a Band-Aid covering and soothing all the wounds from past relationships that started out exactly like this one. It seemed all they did was reinforce your pain and the beliefs you had hoped weren’t true. Different face, same pattern, but you don’t see it.

Those first six months, you don’t really let each other see those dark and hidden places inside your mind, your fears and your addictions to avoid pain. Neither of you want the other to see who you really are because deep in your heart you believe you are guilty and unlovable. You can’t look at this yourself or let them see it. You believe that if you did, you would find your worst nightmares about yourself are true. Instead, you use the relationship to avoid the only truth, forgetting the Love that you are.

The relationship becomes a “you-and-me-against-the-world” thing. You think you are safe in the little bubble you have created with your partner. You don’t realize the form of this relationship is actually increasing your feelings of being separate from each other and the world. This is the “Special Relationship.”

Gradually, those wounded places and limiting, unconscious beliefs begin to show themselves in the relationship. If you are not aware of what is going on, you will project onto your partner those things you are not willing to look at, accept, and heal within yourself.

Once again, you go through the pain of disillusionment and unfulfilled expectations. Another partner disappoints you. The relationship ends, and you are alone once again with that empty place inside until the next person comes along who resonates with you. The cycle begins all over again, and nothing really changes.

The Holy Relationship:

The scenario of the “Holy Relationship” is quite different from the “Special Relationship.” The relationship is not used unconsciously to feed the ego and add to the belief in separation. It is used as a means to open each other deeper and deeper into love. The relationship then acts as a catalyst to share that love with the world through the expression of your unique talents and gifts. The relationship is inclusive, not exclusive.

Perhaps you have certain agreements with one person that you don’t have with other people such as monogamy. Maybe you agree to stay together to support each other as life partners. You keep these agreements out of love and a desire to maintain this connection because it adds more joy to your life. Your personal integrity with yourself strengthens the bond of trust with your partner and theirs with you.

Relationships are the best workshop in town. You and your partner know that if you truly allow yourself to love deeply, all the ugly wounds, irrational beliefs and deepest pain will surface to the light of day. You know it’s useless to hide. You know there’s nothing left to do but get real with yourself and your partner.

You are willing to really open, look honestly at yourself, and take personal responsibility for your emotions and healing and so is your partner for themselves. Although you and your partner have all the faults and frailties of being human, you know those weaknesses are not what you are.

There may be times you forget who you and your partner are and fall back into the unconsciousness or denial of the ego. You are no longer really present with your partner.

During these times, the first one to remember to invite God and your Divine Guidance into the relationship is the most rational. You have remembered to turn the relationship over to love instead of fear.

Where you may have many conscious or unconscious agendas about how you think things should be, Spirit will have only one, your return to Love. Spirit will use every relationship for what will bring about the most healing. However, it may not come in the way you think it should.

You learn that turning it over means letting go of control and trusting the process, your partner, God and most of all yourself. You know you can handle whatever happens. You know that whatever happens is for the highest good. You know that even if the form of the relationship were to change, the love will always be there.

The intimacy deepens as you unravel those unhealthy kinks withing each other. With the support of your partner, you let go more and more of self-judgment and projection. The opening of your heart and your expansion in consciousness spills out into the world to be shared with everyone. The relationship is a conscious blessing to each other and the world.

In this very moment, this Holy Instant, I encourage you to turn all of your relationships over to God and the Holy Spirit (your Teachers, Guides and angels). Watch as each of them transform to Holy Relationships.

Remember and live your passion, Maren Nelson

Appreciation Multiplied for the New Year!

FireworksOne of the big lessons I learned about writing while writing my first book was the only way it was going to get done was to put the time and focus into it. I had to treat it like a regular job. So, that’s what I’m doing with the one I’m working on now. Like the first book, resistance to doing just that fights to take hold far too often. I refuse to let that happen this time.

At the end of June this past year, I asked a girlfriend of mine if she would try something with me. We’re both, individually, in the process of writing books and working on our businesses. I wanted to share just a little bit of accountability with her to help get me past my resistance to writing. I had heard her say something about her resistance and thought it could be a good match. She’s a healer too, so we talk the same language. I suggested a few rules, or agreements, I wanted to help make the experience enjoyable, without being a drudge in any way.

  • The person writing would send a super brief email or text saying how much time they put into writing that day, i.e.: 2 hours writing today. Love, Maren
  • The person doing the writing doesn’t have to contact the person on the days they don’t write or explain why they didn’t write.
  • There is NO judgment, ONLY brief and supportive, encouragement from the person receiving the email if they chose to respond.
  • The person receiving the email doesn’t have to respond unless they want to and/or feel guided to.
  • If and when either party chooses not to continue for any reason, it’s agreed they do not need to give reasons to the receiver; they can just say they want to stop, without any negative repercussions.

I had read this brief, little book by Stephen Pressfield called, “The War of Art.” He’s a successful, well-known writer who puts in four hours a day writing. The book frankly discusses how resistance is the enemy to creativity, and how to overcome it. Based on having written before, four hours sounded reasonable to me.

My friend agreed to try this with me, and you wouldn’t believe how well it works. She told me it’s really helping her too; a win/win. I love those win/wins.

Even though there’s no pressure to respond, we both seem to always be guided to share a simple, “Yay for you,” or “I’m so proud of you and you’re commitment to writing.” You know, little things like that.

Many days, I’m lucky to get one or two hours in because of clients and life, and there are some days I just don’t have time. However, I find I’m far more apt to follow through writing, even a little something, knowing that support is there. Some days I can get even more than four hours in.

The past week, I’ve noticed a really wonderful behavior happening through me. There isn’t a thought behind it; it’s surfacing naturally. I’m finding myself using words of appreciation more frequently in my life. It doesn’t feel sappy. It feels good to share it.

I’m being careful so that my appreciation isn’t misinterpreted that I want something from them. It seems (sadly to say), many people are used to that kind of duplicity.

This year, I plan to continue to allow my appreciation for everything to expand, even those things I might label as being bad. I heard a saying recently, “We either get better or bitter.” I choose love vs. fear!…Well, if I forget, then, as soon as I can remember.

Remember and live your Passion.

Love And Appreciation, Maren

Invoking the Divine Feminine for the New Year!

KaliLast month I shared some ideas with you I’ve had concerning how to reinvent yourself. I realized how completely appropriate this theme is to help set the energy for the coming year.

I talked about how you may have reached a point that you realize you’ve held an image of yourself, whether it was conscious or unconscious, positive or negative, that has been limiting you from your highest expression of your true Self. You’ve decided you can and want to change that self-image. So, how do you do that? Replace it with a new one!

The image that I’ve decided to use to replace any limiting ideas I may have held of myself feels very expansive: the Divine Feminine.

I can infuse Her with all the attributes I would want the Divine Feminine to have; kind of a mix of Mother Mary, Quan Yin (goddess of Compassion), and the Egyptian goddess, Selket, who watched over the spirit of Tutankhamun: loving, kind, beautiful, soft, strong, playful and fun, creative, elegant, constant, supple, sensual, joyful, sexual, nurturing, wise, passionate, intelligent, prosperous, creative, expressive, open-hearted, constant, powerful, grounded, centered, patient, intuitive, compassionate, protective, nothing to prove-just be, and present, just to name a few.

My Divine Feminine would also have the attributes of Kali, the Dark Mother, Goddess of Time (Creation, Change, Preservation, Destruction) and Empowerment. She is the Fearful Goddess with a Heart of a Mother in the Hindu religion. Devotees have a very loving intimate bond with her, in spite of her fearful appearance. Here is some information I found online about Kali by Subhamoy Das.

“Kali is represented with perhaps the fiercest features amongst all the world’s deities. She has four arms, with a sword in one hand and the head of a demon in another. The other two hands bless her worshippers, and say, “fear not”! She has two dead heads for her earrings, a string of skulls as a necklace, and a girdle made of human hands as her clothing. Her tongue protrudes from her mouth, her eyes are red, and her face and breasts are sullied with blood. She stands with one foot on the thigh, and another on the chest of her husband, Shiva.

• Her black complexion symbolizes her all-embracing and transcendental nature. Says the Mahanirvana Tantra: “Just as all colors disappear in black, so all names and forms disappear in her”.
• Her nudity is primeval, fundamental, and transparent like Nature — the earth, sea, and sky. Kali is free from the illusory covering, for she is beyond the all maya or “false consciousness.”
• Kali’s garland of fifty human heads that stands for the fifty letters in the Sanskrit alphabet, symbolizes infinite knowledge.
• Her girdle of severed human hands signifies work and liberation from the cycle of karma.
• Her white teeth show her inner purity, and her red lolling tongue indicates her omnivorous nature — “her indiscriminate enjoyment of all the world’s ‘flavors’.”
• Her sword is the destroyer of false consciousness and the eight bonds that bind us.
• Her three eyes represent past, present, and future, — the three modes of time — an attribute that lies in the very name Kali (‘Kala’ in Sanskrit means time). The eminent translator of Tantrik texts, Sir John Woodroffe in Garland of Letters, writes, “Kali is so called because She devours Kala (Time) and then resumes Her own dark formlessness.”
• Kali’s proximity to cremation grounds where the five elements or “Pancha Mahabhuta” come together, and all worldly attachments are absolved, again point to the cycle of birth and death.
• The reclined Shiva lying prostrate under the feet of Kali suggests that without the power of Kali (Shakti), Shiva is inert.”

My Proclamation for the New Year

In choosing to hold the space (to be a vessel, a channel) for the Divine Feminine, I fully acknowledge my responsibility for my thoughts, emotions, and actions. I am working in every moment to be conscious of my limiting, core beliefs and to cut away evil (lack of life) from my consciousness and life as Kali would.

In order for me to do that, I must be honest with myself about my ego limitations and separate out what has been programmed in since birth, irrational beliefs that I developed when I was young and reinforced throughout my life, along with those genetically passed on from my ancestors.

I know that there have been, are, and will be times that I will forget and lose myself in the world and the old image my ego would try to force on me. I must be as compassionate and non-judgmental as I can remember to be with myself as I release the old habitual, limiting thoughts, pictures, and beliefs, both conscious and unconscious.
I understand the importance of and with full willingness ask God and my Guides to help me remember to be compassionate with myself and others through this sacred, creative unfolding. Also, I understand this is a process that will last throughout my life and I must trust and be patient with myself and the process.

I invoke the unconditional love, beauty, grace and infinite power of the Divine Feminine and claim it as my own. I am a light in the darkness and a way shower to others in channeling and sharing the light and the word of love to the world.

Remember and live your passion.

Happy Holidays! Maren Nelson

How to Reinvent Yourself

maren nelsonYou may have reached a stage in your life when you realize you must reinvent yourself. What I mean by that is that you’ve done enough emotional work on yourself that you are aware of some of the limiting core beliefs you may hold. You’ve decided that you want to let them go, but realize the habits you’ve had that keep these beliefs in place make it hard to not continue to attract the same kind of limiting experiences.

You realize you have a core image of yourself and your place in the world that you want to change so that you can open more to love. What are the steps to do that? Well, here are a few I’ve come up with:

  1.  Bring your awareness to those areas that have been limiting you from your best and most loving expression of who you are. Like I’ve said, “Awareness is half the battle.”
  2. You can ask God and your Guides to help you to see yourself differently. You’ve held that image of yourself for soooo long. But the image is an idol that you’ve given a lot of focus and attention to, whether it was positive or negative. You can ask to see yourself as God sees you, whole and complete. Keep asking for this as much and as often as you want. In fact, ask them for help with everything.
  3. Let the process be easy. Listen and pay attention to messages coming to you all of the time from God and your Guides to guide you in every step of your life. I love this little prayer out of ACIM:
    “I am here only to be truly helpful.
    I am here to represent Him Who sent me.
    I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do,
    because He Who sent me will direct me.
    I am content to be wherever He wishes, knowing
    He goes there with me.
    I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal.”
  4. When you know it’s coming from your Guides and not your own ego, trust the information you’re receiving, and follow through, even if (perhaps especially if) it goes against old patterns and beliefs you thought were rock solid truths.
  5. Continue to ask your Guides to help you to see yourself differently and these beliefs that have been holding you back in different areas of your life. Ask them to help you to know you deserve to be loved just for being you.
  6. Be VERY gentle and compassionate with yourself while the process is happening. Be patient with yourself and the process. It will take as long as it takes and can’t be pushed. The more self-love you can give yourself, the easier the transition will be. This means: take care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually to make sure your needs are met on all levels. Do loving things for yourself.
  7. Be protective of your boundaries, your space, your time, and your process. You may find certain people want to “help” you, but I highly encourage you to find your answers within yourself. Let anyone know who tries to tell you how you should be doing your process or energetically lays their energy on your experience (like making it their own) that you need to find your way through on your own so that you can deeply own your experience. You’ll get the lessons at such a deeper level of understanding.

If you do receive information from anyone, really check it against your own inner guidance to see if it’s what you need. Or better yet, be very, very careful who you share your process with. Only share with people who understand the powerful creative space you’re in and will honor it as sacred.

Be careful of people that you know and are even in relationships with, including family. Don’t allow their old perceptions of you to keep you locked into that old way of being that you’re working on changing. This one can be tricky because at first you and they won’t be consciously aware they are doing it. They may have an old perception of you that is completely out-dated. When you work to reinvent yourself, this will mean change for them to, and many people don’t like change.

A Course in Miracles talks a lot about the ego and its arrogance. The ego judges and compares who we think we are with who we think others are. Both images are based on the ego’s perception and cannot fully recognize the grandeur of what we truly are. Most of us either carry grandiose images of ourselves or the belief that we are somehow less than everyone else. Both perceptions are based on arrogance; believing we have placed our will above the will of God who knows that we are all equally magnificent; not greater than or less than the others, but each an aspect of the divine.

You are in a profoundly creative process, and this is a sacred space and time for you. Watch the magic unfold as you reawaken to your true Self. Remember and live your passion.

Happy Holidays! Maren

Costco and The Holy Instant

CostcoI had an interesting experience at Costco the other day. I went in to buy a couple of items, and when I got to the checkout, the lines weren’t too long. However, the woman in front of me had a full basket. I have to admit: I don’t like waiting in lines if I can help it.

I asked the woman if I could go ahead of her with just my two items. She looked at me like she was overwhelmed, and this was just one more thing to add to that. But, she said, “Okay.”

When I stepped in front of her, I turned back to thank her again, and I asked her how she was doing. She said she was putting her husband’s memorial together. My heart went out to her. I told her quietly, “I’ve worked with a lot of people around deaths. I do an alternative therapy that helps people emotionally, and sometimes that comes up.”

I didn’t tell her my parents both died a few years back. I didn’t need to.

She told me it was a blessing because her husband had Alzheimer’s, and it had gotten really difficult at the end.

I asked if she was okay, and she said how much they had helped her in hospice. They had taught her about the five stages of grieving (healing). I nodded knowingly. (If you remember, these are the five stages we go through when we let go of anything: a person, place, or thing, an issue, or a belief.)

I asked her if I could give her a hug. Then I remembered we were standing in the checkout line in Costco. I looked at her shyly, and said, “Oh, I’m sorry. That might be weird because I don’t really know you. But if you’re okay with it..?” and I opened my arms slightly.

I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable, but if she was okay, I was.

She let me give her a hug. It was authentic, and I felt her hug me back.

As I stepped back, I looked her deeply in her eyes and wished her the best. I paid for my things, and left.

Later, I thought that perhaps I could have given her a business card to offer support through my work, but I’m glad I didn’t in this instance. It was what ACIM would call, “The Holy Instant.”

There was an exchange of energy for both of us. The moment felt pure and authentic. It felt good for me to just be present for this woman.

I’ll never fully know what that moment meant to her, although I know she felt my compassion. That was enough.

Wouldn’t it be an amazing world if we could do this for each other all of the time; no agenda, just love? All I can say is that I want more moments like this so that my life is consumed with them. But it has to be the real deal..from the heart.

Think of it: all those Holy Instances rolled into one. I’m in!

As always, I encourage you to remember, and live your passion.

Maren Nelson

Nature Abhors a Vacuum

vacuumSometimes in our lives we all go through periods of having to let go of something we deeply cherish. Perhaps it’s a loved one or friend, a situation or a place. Sometimes, what we most need to let go of is a perception or a belief about how we see the world, and everything in it, including ourselves.

In a post I put up a few years ago, I talk about the Five Stages of Healing, or what Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her studies on death and dying call the Five Stages of Grieving. I talk about these five stages in detail in my book, “Ride the Emotional Wave” and how they relate to emotional healing. The five stages are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Sadness (Grief), and Acceptance.

To be able to see where you are in your process of moving toward Acceptance, you can check in to these different phases to see if you still hold any kind of emotional charge on them. Although if you’re in Denial, you wouldn’t know you are, or perhaps you can only see part of what you’ve been in Denial of.

Then, some kind of Healing Crisis occurs to wake or shake you up so that you can see what you’re in Denial of so that you can begin the process of correction. Sometimes people can stay stuck in Denial, Anger, Bargaining, or Sadness for a long, long time, still trying to hold onto something that may not be right for you now. You may find that you vacillate between those first four emotions as you’re healing.

Between Sadness and Acceptance, there is that period of Letting Go when your perceptions are shifting. If you watch your thoughts during this phase, you may see different perspectives you have of your topic at hand begin to shift within you. You can help this phase move faster by asking God, your Spirit Guides to help you to see the situation, person or yourself differently. There’s a miracle that takes place right then.

I don’t know if you’ve heard the term, “Nature Abhors a Vacuum.” It’s one of those rock solid truths of the Universe. When that space is cleared from your consciousness, heart, and life, the Universe will fill it back up again. You could try to fill it up with negativity or you could choose to allow God fill that space with more Love than you could ever imagine.

You have free will. You can choose. But remember: really the only choice we have is how long we choose to stay in our suffering. Ultimately, we will all return to love.

Live your passion now!

Maren Nelson

Love Thyself!

maren nelsonWe’ve all heard the commandment, “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” We’re often told to love others, even to the point of self-sacrifice. But, if we’re to love our neighbor as ourselves, it sounds like we need to learn to love ourselves first so that we can truly love others. By learning to love ourselves, we learn to love our Self; our deep authentic Self which is Love.

In, “Seat of the Soul,” Gary Zucav states that to love yourself is to do kindly things for yourself. I love that.

I know when I do kindly things for myself, I feel nurtured and loved. One of the biggest benefits of self-nurturing is that I have more energy for everything else, including other people.

Different ways I nurture myself and give myself love are:

• Do work I love that I find fulfilling, and that takes care of my needs and desires
• Eat healthy foods
• Exercise 4-6 times a week
• Get plenty of rest
• Make sure I take quite time for myself every day
• Make sure I have fun every day
• Keep my home, office, and car clean and organized
• Practice deep love and gratitude every day
• Be compassionate with myself
• Spend time, both in work and personal, with positive, creative, loving, fun people.

If you don’t know what to do for yourself to show yourself love, check in with the little kid in you. He or she will always have ideas for fun. The little girl in me loves movies, not any horror or paranormal stuff though. Sometimes, I like simply going to the park or going out in nature.

There’s more, but I just wanted to give you some ideas for things you can do for your Self. I know when I don’t do these things for myself, I feel as though I’ve abandoned myself.

I encourage you to think of things you can do for yourself that are loving and fun, and do them regularly. You’ll find you have so much more to share with the world if you do.

Remember and live your passion, Maren